Idol Worship by Michael Ferguson

Author:Michael Ferguson [Ferguson, Michael]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 1891855484
Publisher: STARbooks Press
Published: 2010-08-16T04:00:00+00:00

The prizes no longer held any allure. The thought of receiving a pair of Tom’s pants hermetically sealed in plastic with the hopes of taking a drag off choice perimeters of denim (especially since fellow cast members complained of Cruise’s refusal to shower during his entire stint as a greaser) was violated by a silly photo showing that someone else had already beat you to it. Who wanted a pair of celebrity pants previously masticated over?

[ Inches magazine subsequently offered its readers Arnold Schwarzenegger’s jockstrap from The Running Man (1987). What made this offer even less tantalizing was the intimate nature of the garment. The likelihood of finding a stray pubic hair was actually extremely high, but the chances of it belonging to the star were nil. You can bet those boys at Inches are still telling friends about the day each of them got to try on Arnold’s jock.]

From the same Zoetrope auction , In-Touch managed to procure Matt Dillon’s makeup-stained tank top from Rumble Fish and offered it as a contest prize to readers. In 25 words or less, you had to write why the undershirt should go to you. I found myself poised with pen in hand.

Ultimately, there were so many entries, including 180 from the same guy, that the magazine drew a winner at random. Some of the responses: “Rob Lowe is my favorite actor and Matt knows Rob.” “My tongue is tired of licking Matt’s photo in issue #70.” “It would go well with my Scott Baio pajama bottoms!” “Maybe they will forget to take him out of it.” “He makes my gun smoke.” “He’s Jesus.” “My throbbing cock has awaited each release of his since the underwear scene in Little Darlings and to wear his ‘T’ would be the ultimate ball popper.” (27 words—should have been disqualified.)

My entry: “I’d have to return it.” Not terribly witty or original, but a loser, too.

A few years later I came face-to-fly with Matt’s jeans from The Outsiders at a Hollywood memorabilia museum and risked being ejected by reaching out and copping a feel.

Matthew Raymond Dillon (1964- ) was born in New Rochelle, New York, the second son in a family of five boys and a girl. One of his great uncles was Alex Raymond, the creator of the Flash Gordon and Jungle Jim comic strips. Another great uncle, Jim Raymond, drew the Blondie strip for many years. And Matt was not named after James Arness’ character on Gunsmoke. Glad we got that standard trivia in the MD bio out of the way. As to the storybook story of his discovery, it has been told so often that just two years into his career he was refusing to relate it again, saying that it had been chronicled so many thousands of times that whenever he saw it in print it was like looking at words spit out of a computer.

Dillon was characteristically bored to death by the recounting of how he was caught cutting math class at Hommocks Middle School by two casting recruiters.

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